Incinerate Read online

  I toy with the rim of my beer, not sure how much I want to admit in front of him. Since Lucy’s a teacher, she’s about to head back home for the summer to help in her family’s restaurant. Her lease is almost up, and if I don’t find something soon, I’ll be back at Dad’s, the absolute last place I want to be. I’ll feel like a total failure, but if I have to do it, I will.

  Grimacing, I answer him. “It’s a work in progress. I’ve gone to a couple of places, but they haven’t worked out. Dad’s already washing the sheets for when I come back home.”

  Lexi laughs and brings her hand across the table to hold mine. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I’m sure you’ll find something soon.”

  Knox is looking at all of us like we’re crazy. I didn’t mean to unload on Jace earlier, but when he was in my office, I had received a call from a potential realtor and ended up spilling the details to him. I haven’t said anything to Knox about it because, frankly, I didn’t think he’d give a shit.

  “You don’t have a place to live?” he asks, leaning his arms on the table, looking at me inquisitively.

  “I’m not homeless yet. It’s just that I’m about to be in between housing situations. But it’s no big deal. My dad’s got room for me,” I try to say confidently, although the idea of moving back in with him is depressing, no matter how much I love him.

  Jace’s eyes light up, and he looks at me, Knox, and then back to me. “Well, shit. Knox has an extra room, and Cohen just called to say he was taking summer classes so he could get ahead. If you’re going to be helping him out, why don’t you just rent a room from him? It’ll be a win-win.”

  At this point, I’d take almost anything to not have to move back in with my dad, but the look on Knox’s face has me thinking otherwise. He’s glaring at Jace, clearly not pleased that he’s making an offer before consulting him.

  “Jace…” Knox growls in warning, but his friend just ignores him.

  “How long do you have, Charlie?” Jace asks, looking at me.

  Sighing, I answer him. “Seven days until I’m on my ass or back to Dad’s.”

  Jace looks back and forth between Knox and me, and Lexi’s just watching silently. I can’t help but notice the way Knox’s hands are gripping the table, and he’s staring Jace down, not saying a word.

  “Then that settles it. You both need help right now, so why not help each other? It’s like the perfect storm. Call it fate. Whatever. But it’s pretty damn coincidental that you need a caretaker and she needs a roof over her head. Knox, you can give Charlie a place to stay, and she can help you out until you heal. A total win-win,” he confirms, and Lexi’s just shaking her head as she smiles at him.

  Knox scowls at me and then Jace, and once again, I’m reminded why I need to not get involved with him. He was just holding me on the dance floor like he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, but now the thought of being around me on a daily basis looks like it’s the last thing he’d want in the world. Suddenly the idea of doing something he hates seems like a good one. I must be crazy, because before I can stop myself, I can hear myself agreeing.

  “I mean, I guess it’d make things a little easier on both of us. And then Kale doesn’t have to worry about checking in on him anymore. We’re about to slow down at work anyway since most of the students are out for the summer. That’ll give me more time to help with his physical therapy,” I tell them, mentally talking myself into it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know it’s crazy to move in with a guy after knowing him for a week, but plenty of roommates move in together when they’re complete strangers, right? Under normal circumstances I’d be channeling my inner Michelle Tanner, screaming, “No way, Jose!” but something about the way Knox seems to hate the idea makes me love it even more.

  Knox’s eyes narrow as he listens to me. He stands up abruptly, and I wince for him when I see the sharp intake of breath at the movement. I’m immediately wondering why he’s not wearing his brace. Knowing it’s not the time—or my place—to scold him, I keep silent.

  “Jace. Bar. Now,” he growls angrily. Then he walks to the farthest end of the bar and barks an order at the bartender.

  Jace gives Lexi a quick kiss and then turns to grin at me. “Be back in a minute, ladies. I think I’m in trouble.” He crutches away, laughing the entire time he makes his way to Knox, and I watch as they both take a shot of something before Knox turns his back towards me so I can’t see what he’s saying.

  Finishing my beer, I’m thankful that the waitress dropped off another pitcher, so I refill my glass and take another long gulp. Lexi turns to look at them, shaking her head when she brings her attention back to me.

  “Just so you know, he’s completely harmless. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but underneath that hard exterior, there really is a sweet guy just begging to come out,” she tells me.

  “I’m not looking for anything from him other than a roommate, so I’m not worried about him being sweet. He can be as grumpy and moody as he pleases,” I tell her, hoping she can see past my lie.

  She cocks an eyebrow up at me. “I don’t know, Charlie. You two seemed pretty close on the dance floor out there, and Jace seems to think you’d be a good match for him.”

  I have no idea why I find it so funny, but I throw my head back and laugh. “Knox and I go together like oil and water. Ice cream and anchovies. Justin Timberlake and Nick Carter. I have no idea what Jace is thinking.”

  “Maybe that’s just because he hasn’t let you get to know the real him. I don’t know the full story, but from what I can gather, he had his heart broken a really long time ago, and I don’t think he’s ever allowed it to heal. Just give it time. He’ll come out of his shell. You’ve just got to poke the bear a little bit, and from what I’ve seen so far, I don’t think you’ll have any problem doing that.”

  Oh, great. I guess that makes sense. Some idiot girl along the way ruined him for the rest of us. Now I know I can’t let myself develop feelings for a guy who’s still broken up over someone from his past.

  “I have no idea what I’ve just gotten myself into, do I?” I whisper, more to myself than to her, but she hears me and grins.

  “Maybe not, but it’s sure as hell going to be fun finding out.”

  I’M FUMING as my I make my way to the bar, where I down a shot before Jace even makes it to me and do another one with him after he crutches over. In all the time I’ve known him, he’s never meddled when it comes to me and women, and he’s often played wingman for me. He knows good and well that I’ve never wanted to shack up with a chick.

  “What the fuck, dude?” I ask him. He just stares at me with a stupid smile on his face. If my arm weren’t in a cast and he weren’t on crutches, I’d seriously be considering going a couple rounds right now. One of the things I miss the most is getting my aggression out in the ring, and I could go for kicking some ass—preferably his.

  “Oh come on, man. I’m doing you a favor. Stop acting like a baby and just accept the help for once in your life.”

  “Yeah, easy for the guy with the doting girlfriend to say. You just invited a virtual stranger to move into my house with me, a girl who I don’t even know if I like or if she even likes me. We haven’t exactly become besties this past week, you know?” I say through my teeth.

  “Besties? Really? Are you sure you weren’t lying when you told Charlie you don’t do slumber parties?” Jace asks teasingly, apparently having heard my comment to her earlier.

  “Whatever, Jace. You know what I mean. Plus, you just told me earlier today that I was a dick to her, so why would you even try to subject her to that? Aren’t you afraid I’ll scare away your new little friend?” I don’t know what it is about her that makes him seem protective, but he’s been in her corner ever since we all met, and it’s kind of irritating, especially since he barely knows her.

  “Nah, I know you’re not a complete tool. You just like to act like one. I like her. She seems like the kind of girl who doesn’t take any shit, especially y
ours, and god, I fucking love that about her. And well…it was pretty damn awesome the way she called me out that night we met. She wasn’t sulky even after you pulled that dick move. She has balls, and I think that’s the kind of girl you need.”

  “I need a girl with balls?” Now I’m wondering if Jace was the one who hit his head a little too hard that fateful day in Afghanistan.

  “Of steel,” he tells me, grinning into his beer bottle. “Huge balls of steel. Proverbial ones, of course. You know, unless you’re into that sort of thing.”

  “Yeah, thanks for the clarification, asshole.” I playfully punch his shoulder.

  “Look, just give it a chance. It could be good for you. And I think, in some crazy way, it’ll be good for her, too. Three months. You stick it out for the summer and I won’t make you finish War and Peace if you don’t want to.”

  It’s like he just offered me the Stanley Cup carrying a Super Bowl ring all rolled up with an NBA Championship ring, letting me off the hook from reading that book. I know I’m not going to be able to say no. “Do I get the entire summer off from reading it?”

  A slow smirk forms on his face, as if he knows something I don’t. “Works for me. You’re officially on summer break, and if you last the entire summer, you can put it back on your shelf and let it collect dust.”

  He holds his hand out to seal the deal. Sighing, I shake, wondering what in the hell I’m getting myself into, but I can’t help the anticipation I feel for the upcoming challenge.

  A LOUD banging pulls me from my sleep. I wince when I open my eyes as the bright light pouring in the large side window blinds me. My head is pounding, the after effects of mixing too much beer and tequila, and I groan, wishing I’d said no to that last shot. In fact, I probably should’ve said no to the last three shots, but after Knox and Jace came back from their bar conversation, things were a little tense at the table. I did what I always do in uncomfortable situations—order tequila. I can barely remember Lexi dropping me off at Knox’s, and I’m beginning to wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.

  When I feel the bed shift beside me, my heart begins to race. Even though I was intoxicated, I know I didn’t bring anyone back with me, so there’s only one guess as to whose bed I’m in. Peeking under the covers, I’m relieved to find that I’m clothed, but that’s short-lived when I realize that I’m in a pair of his boxer shorts and an oversized t-shirt, presumably also his.

  I’m wearing his fucking clothes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, I think, trying to remember how I ended up in his clothes, but my mind’s drawing a blank. Turning towards him, I’m thankful to find that he’s still asleep, and although I know I need to get out of here, I can’t help but look at him.

  Knox is lying on his back, his broken arm propped up on a pillow next to him. My eyes drift down to his body and I can see the outline of muscles on his lower abdomen as the sheet falls just below his belly button. His dog tags rise and fall with every breath. I want to reach out and touch them and then stroke the skin that they lie on. His face is beautiful and serene, and for the first time since I met him, he looks completely vulnerable. Something about it takes my breath away. He’s gorgeous when he’s awake, but right now it’s unnerving how breathtaking he is when he looks so peaceful. I can’t help but move a little closer to him, stopping just inches away.

  My eyes fall on his left rib, where I’ve previously spotted a tattoo but haven’t ever been able to study it. Taking a closer look, I see the words “Perfer et obdura; Dolor hic tibi proderit olim.” I’m pretty sure that it’s Latin. Now I’m even more curious to know what it means and what caused him to get those words tattooed on his skin.

  My hand takes on a mind of its own as my fingers reach out and graze the skin where the tattoo is. It goes on a quest, in search of every scar that covers his torso. I can see where shrapnel tore into his skin and feel the raised scar tissue underneath my touch. No matter how much he can drive me crazy, I can’t help but wonder how much pain and suffering he’s seen and had to endure. My heart aches at the thought of him lying on that road in Afghanistan, unconscious, bruised, broken, and burned. Seeing him like this, vulnerable and scarred, a strange sadness washes over me, and I wonder if his experiences of loss have played a role in the gruff exterior he likes to portray.

  As my fingers trace the lines in his abs, a moment goes by and I swear I feel him tense beneath me, causing my fingers to freeze and my breath to catch. Terrified that he’s going to catch me, I’m holding it, my fingers still lightly touching him but no longer moving. A moment passes, and then another. Relief flows through me when he doesn’t wake and his breathing stays normal. I’m hoping it was just a fluke and that he didn’t actually feel me making my exploration.

  My heart is still racing, and I don’t know if it’s from the fact that I was almost caught or if it’s from the close proximity to him. I’m completely confused at my reaction to him. I want to gouge his eyes out in one moment and then rip his clothes off in the next. He’s sweet, he’s an ass, he’s warm, he’s cold. He flirts, he scowls, he drives me absolutely crazy, but dammit if my heart doesn’t melt when he smiles. Not that it’s often, but I love that smile—the one he gives when he doesn’t think anyone’s really paying attention, when the smile actually reaches his eyes.

  I don’t know what it is about Knox Wellington, but in this moment, I know that Lexi was right in her response when I told her I didn’t know what I was getting into. It’s going to be fun finding out, but I’m also scared out of my mind at the same time. I never felt this physically attracted to Drew, like there was a pull to him like I feel with Knox. Like I could stare at him for days, never looking away. Although he made my heart race in his own way, it was nothing like this, and it definitely didn’t happen this fast.

  The banging, which I now identify as a loud knock at the door, resumes, tearing me out of my thoughts. I can see that Knox is beginning to stir, and I know I need to get the hell out of here. I slip out of bed in hopes that he doesn’t catch me. My memory of the night after that last shot is foggy, but I’m pretty sure he told me to raid his closet, get comfortable, and go to sleep. Nothing happened, and part of me feels disappointed. When I get to the door, I take one last look at him, and I have to fight the urge to return to the bed and kiss his inviting lips.

  Making my way down the hall, I fix my ponytail and look down at my clothes. I’m athletic and not a stick figure, but I’m still swimming in them and I love the feel of it. Before I make it to the front door, I look down to make sure that I’m not showing off the chill in the air, and when I do, I catch the scent of his cologne that’s lingering on the shirt. My hands involuntarily bring the top of his t-shirt up to my face to inhale the scent. Closing my eyes, I savor it, reliving the moment I was pressed against his chest during the slow dance last night. Another loud bang jolts me out of the memory, and I’m mortified when I spot Jace and Lexi grinning at me through the glass window in the front door with grocery bags in their hands.

  Crossing to the door, I pull the t-shirt back down and smooth it out as I let them in. Jace takes one look at my clothes and whistles, and Lexi grins knowingly at me as she hands me my car keys, having agreed to drop my car off this morning.

  “I was going to say nice outfit, Charlie, but you already seem to be enjoying it,” she teases me as I take one of the bags from her. They follow me into the kitchen and we start unpacking them.

  “Oh, that? It was nothing. I’ve got to pick up some more fabric softener when I head to the store later today, and I was trying to get a feel for what scent Knox usually prefers,” I say, knowing it’s a lame excuse.

  Jace chuckles as he rummages through the cabinets and pulls out a frying pan. “Lately, it’s eau de can’t shower, but I’m sure you can find something better.”

  Lexi playfully punches him in the arm at his comment. “Hey, that’s not fair. He can’t help it.”

  A gruff, sleepy voice fills the room. “Can’t help what?” I freeze. It’s only been a couple
of minutes since I left his bedroom, and when I turn to look at him, I can’t tell if he just woke up or if he’s faking the grogginess. I’m suddenly nervous at the liberties I took when I thought he was asleep, but now that he’s avoiding eye contact with me, I’m mentally freaking out that he wasn’t exactly in a deep slumber.

  “Oh, Charlie here was just trying to figure out what kind of fabric softener you like,” Jace informs him.

  He finally looks at me, and I can’t read his expression as he takes in the sight of me, looking me up and down as I stand here barefoot in his kitchen, wearing his clothes. It’s unnerving the way he’s watching me, and I still can’t believe that I agreed to move in with him. I’m kind of wishing we could have this morning to ourselves to actually talk this out without Jace to butt in, but at the same time, I’m grateful for the distraction.

  Still looking at me, he simply shrugs. “I usually just get whatever’s on sale. I don’t care what it smells like. Just none of that girly shit,” he informs me, and the brisk note in his tone has me wanting to run out and buy the Gain Lavender & Vanilla detergent that I love so much.

  Ignoring him, I set about making a list since I always do my shopping on Sundays and I’m not going to have much when I leave Lucy’s place. She’s going to freak out when she learns who my new roommate is. Leaving them in the kitchen, I wander around the house until I find the guest bathroom, the one I figure will be mine. It’s pretty bare, so I write down all the essentials I’ll need. I check under the cabinet for cleaning supplies, and when I stand up and turn around, I run into a warm, solid chest. I have to fight the urge not to lick him once the scent of sweat and the remnants of last night’s cologne washes over me. He grabs my arms to steady me, inadvertently pulling me close, causing my chest to be pressed up against his.

  “Jace said to tell you that breakfast is ready.” He drops his hands to his sides and looks down at me, giving me a sexy smirk. “And here I was thinking I’d get homemade French toast. What’s up with that?”