Words I Couldn't Say (Promise in Prose #1) Read online

  That’s when I got what Tawni had meant. This was huge. This was going to be the biggest challenge of my life. I would do Abigail the justice she deserved. I just hoped I could succeed. Because, in all reality, I was the Trevor in this situation.

  You see, Trevor was an idiot. He had the beautiful Abigail, the love of his life, and when things became tough, he pushed her away. It wasn’t until she reappeared in his life that he realized she was it for him and he’d do anything to win back her love. Neither of them had known how limited their time together would be, and that made their separation that much harder to take.

  For years, my heart had longed for Tucker, but reading this book finally made me shed the wool from my eyes. This beautiful, haunting story taught a lesson so many of us have learned the hard way. When you love something, you don’t push it away. You don’t let it go. You hold on for dear life because we never know when that life will end.

  This book might have been my big break. But, more importantly, it gave me perspective. I knew what I had to do. What I wanted to do. On screen, I’d play Abigail. But, in real life? I’d be Trevor and do whatever the hell I had to do to win the love of my life back.

  Because, if my days were numbered, and all of ours are, I didn’t want to live another moment without Tucker by my side. I just had to convince him of that.

  Fortunately, T.A. Bankman was like my own personal cupid and guardian angel all rolled into one. He couldn’t have chosen a more perfect setting than Cincinnati for me to play out my own personal love story.

  The words from Trevor’s letter kept rolling around in my mind. It was so achingly familiar, yet I couldn’t place them. I had no idea why I felt that way, but I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, I was meant for this role.

  This role was meant for me.

  IT’S DEFINITELY TRUE, WHAT THEY say. You can take the girl out of Ohio, but you can’t take Ohio out of the girl. That’s what Tawni told me every time I dragged her to the sports bar across the street from our apartment to watch whichever Ohio team was in town. I waxed poetic about my hometown so frequently that she often told me to either suck it up and go home or zip it.

  She was right and I knew it. While I’d been in California for five years, I still missed home with an aching I unsuccessfully tried to squelch on a daily basis. I missed my parents, my brothers, and all of my crazy extended family. I missed going to Reds games or fishing on the riverbanks with my uncle Jace. But, when I did, my thoughts of home always shifted to him. At any given moment, I’d wonder what Tucker was doing. Who he was with. Did he ever think of me? Did he lie in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, missing me? Could he smell me the way I could still catch the faint scent of his cologne, even if it was just my imagination? Did he see me in his dreams? Or had I been reduced to a bitter memory best left forgotten?

  It stung, knowing that the latter was most likely the case.

  And, like always, I pushed those thoughts from my mind and focused on my beer, barely noticing that the Reds had just scored to extend their lead by six. They’d been having a phenomenal year, and even though there were still five weeks of baseball to play, they had a clear shot at making the playoffs. They were the defending World Series champions, and I would give anything to see them win it all again. Hell, maybe I could actually muster the courage up to return home and watch them raise the trophy at Great American Ball Park.

  Maybe. But not likely.

  “Earth to Ava,” Tawni chimed, breaking my thoughts.

  When I glanced up, she had a brow raised curiously.

  “What’s up with you lately?”

  That was Tawni. She could always read me, and she made no bones about calling me on my crap. I loved and hated that about her. But mostly loved.

  I toyed with the peeling label on my beer bottle before looking back at her with rounded, innocent eyes. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  Her perfectly shaped eyebrows drew together. “We’ve been roommates for years,” she reminded me.

  Thank goodness for it. When we’d met at UCLA, we’d instantly hit it off. I had won the roommate jackpot when the school had roomed us together, and I’d been thankful for her friendship ever since. Tawni Collins grew up Los Angeles. Her mother was an incredibly gifted violinist who fell in love with her hotshot agent, married him, and produced Tawni and her brother, Tyson. So, while I was going to Reds games, Tawni was walking the red carpet. She was raised with wealth and prestige, but you’d never know it. To everyone else, Tawni was a normal girl. Sure, she’d jet-set off to Milan every once in a while, and I’d enjoyed more than one all-inclusive spring break with her, but she was Tawni. My closest friend. And she knew that something was up.

  “And?” I asked before taking a long drag of my beer and wondering how much longer I could hold off on telling her what my deal was.

  “It’s almost August twenty-second.”

  I drew in a sharp breath as her brows shot up. She knew she’d struck a nerve.

  “What is it about this time of year that shuts you down?”

  Like I said, the girl could read me. She’d asked me the same thing last year, and I’d shrugged her off. I never talked about it. About him. Hell, I didn’t even want to think about him, let alone admit out loud how badly I’d messed up.

  But, as Tawni watched me with concern, the dam inside me broke.

  I caved and, after five years of friendship, told her everything.

  Five years earlier

  My life was awesome.

  I had grown up in Cincinnati with nauseatingly in-love parents, three pesky but completely lovable little brothers, and an extended family that, while at times could be annoyingly overprotective, had given me a warm and loving childhood.

  The icing on the cake was my boy-next-door best friend, Tucker Manning.

  We’d been born only three days apart, both entering the world two weeks earlier than expected but no worse for wear. Since we were neighbors and our moms were friends, our own friendship was a no-brainer. Heck, we were friends before our tiny brains even understood the concept, and it was a friendship that lasted for the next eighteen years. Two peas in a pod. Birds of the same feather. We went together like peanut butter and jelly. Whatever close cliché you want to use, that was us.

  Despite how close we were, our friendship was always platonic. Through awkward stages, high school angst, and first crushes, we’d never been romantic. There’d been no near kisses, heart fluttering, or any indications that love was in the cards for us. Both of our moms made it no secret that they were waiting for it, but the spark just wasn’t there between Tucker and me. And that was okay.

  Until it wasn’t.

  Like the scene out of a clichéd, cheesy teenage romance, it happened on prom night. We both had dates with other people. No big deal. In fact, we were going on a double date and I couldn’t have been more excited. I went with Ian McDaniel, who was gay but not yet out to anyone but his closest friends. Tucker was with Candace Thompson, a cute softball player who I was pretty sure had been eyeing him for months.

  Not that I could blame her. Tucker was tall and lean, with dark hair and piercing, blue eyes that had all the girls in school eyeing him.

  Except for me.

  Until now. As if someone had snapped their fingers, my vision was crystal clear and I was seeing Tucker for the first time. Not best friend Tucker. But incredibly handsome and incredibly kissable Tucker. And I wanted to find out if the latter was true, even though I was pretty sure it was.

  My stomach tightened as I watched him dancing in a tux that molded to his lean muscles perfectly, his dimples showcasing when he smiled at me from across the room. The smile, one I’d seen countless times, had my mouth watering. I was so enthralled with my newfound attraction that Ian had to lean over and place his thumb under my chin to shut my open jaw.

  “I didn’t think it was like that between you two,” he commented, looking down at me in surprise.

  “It…it’s not,” I stammered, wondering
why in the hell I’d suddenly recognized exactly how attractive Tucker was.

  An unexpected jolt of pain shot through my heart. Where had that come from? It wasn’t like that with Tucker and me, but I apparently wanted it to be, and my brain was tired of keeping up with my denial routine.

  Holy hell.

  Before I could examine that sudden rush of not-so-platonic feelings, music blared across the gym. My face scrunched at the sound, and Ian rolled his eyes.

  “Who the heck requested the Backstreet Boys?” I asked. Then I groaned when I saw that my dad and Tucker had moved over to the DJ booth, which indicated that they were unsurprisingly responsible for the blast from the way-back past.

  Don’t get me wrong. I loved my dad to pieces, but when he’d told me that he was chaperoning my last high school dance, I could’ve killed him. Not because I was in danger of him witnessing me maul Ian on the dance floor or anything like that. No, I was at risk of the whole school seeing my dad maul my mom on the dance floor. Not that it would’ve been the first time. I was surprised they’d even been allowed back, given how they’d acted at homecoming last fall.

  But that was beside the point. There I was, watching the two most important men in my life do some wacky, antiquated dance, when realization slammed into me.

  I loved Tucker.

  Now, I’d always loved Tucker. He’d been my best friend for my entire life, and I was closer to him than anyone else in the world. But this was different. I knew it. Because my heart was racing. My palms were a sweaty mess. My loins were aching.

  Yeah, my loins.

  If that didn’t tell me that something was changing, then I didn’t know what would. God, for the first time in my life, I finally got it. I finally understood why Sandy couldn’t get enough of Danny. I got why Allie couldn’t stop loving Noah even when Lon was an exceptional and handsome man.

  The heart wants what the heart wants, and as if Cupid had appeared and struck me with his pesky love arrows, my heart instantly wanted Tucker Manning.

  And the ache in my loins? Yeah, it wasn’t just my heart that wanted him, but all of my lady bits, too.

  Ian’s hot breath landed on my ear. “Go get him, girl,” he encouraged.

  “I’m not doing that to Candace,” I told him with a sullen sigh before turning and catching the mysterious way his eyes gleamed with amusement.

  He pointed across the room, and my gaze followed. I gasped when I saw that, while Tucker was off dancing with my dad, Candace had found someone else to pass her time with. Meaning she was currently sucking face with a guy I didn’t know.

  Thank you, Candace, you silly fool.

  “I think she’ll be fine,” Ian said. “Now, go get your man.”

  My eyes widened as I flicked them back from Candace to Ian and then to where Tucker was shaking it to BSB.

  Go get your man.

  Could I do this?

  Your man.

  A wicked grin formed on my lips. Of course I could do this. I was, after all, my father’s daughter. Public displays of affections ran deep in the Banks blood. It might have been sudden, but I knew what I wanted, and I wasn’t wasting any more time to get it.

  So without further ado, I hitched up my dress, kicked off my heels, and marched across the gym floor until I was directly in front of the object of my newfound affection. His infectious grin warmed my heart as he watched me approach. The dimples in his cheeks deepened, and my heart swelled at the sight. Before he could say a word, my fingers gripped his tie, my free hand rose to the back of his head, I lifted onto my tiptoes, and I mashed my lips against his.

  Butterflies. Fireworks. Years of unknown pent-up longing exploded the moment our mouths met.

  It was the best moment of my life.

  The best kiss of my life. Even though it was my first, I knew deep down in my soul no one would ever compare to Tucker.

  It started out soft and hesitant. I was aware I’d shocked the hell out of Tucker, but it wasn’t long before the kiss transformed into a passionate, heated frenzy as we gave into the chemistry neither of us had realized we had until that very moment.

  My lips parted without question when he sought entrance. The world around us melted away as our tongues touched tentatively at first, probing delicately as we acquainted ourselves with each other. As we tangled ourselves together, we created a fervent rhythm that had me moaning into his mouth. With each searching sweep of his tongue, the more I burned for him. The more I wanted him. Just as his hand deliberately descended from the small of my back to the curve of my ass, the sound of a clearing throat doused our blazing kisses with the coldest of proverbial showers. We leaped apart, both of us panting and staring at each other as if we had seen each other in a new light.

  I supposed we were.

  “It’s about freaking time.”

  I tore my gaze from Tucker’s. My parents, with their arms wrapped around each other, were beaming at us.

  Mom, whose features I’d gotten most of, was gorgeous in an understated yet elegant ball gown that exquisitely framed her petite frame. Her blond hair was swept up into a French twist, and my little brother had likened her to a princess when he’d seen her.

  “A queen,” Dad had corrected, causing an adorable, pink blush to creep onto her cheeks.

  Dad looked just as debonair. His tall, lean frame was filling a black suit out. His hair, usually a bit unruly, was unusually combed and styled for the occasion. They were a beautiful couple—they always had been—and it was another reminder that what they had was what I wanted. And, now, I knew who I wanted it with.

  Both of their gazes were dancing at the sight of their firstborn finally having made a move on her best friend. Unlike most dads, mine was actually holding his hand up like he was waiting for me to give him a high five. Who was I to leave him hanging?

  But, before our palms could touch, however, I felt movement beside me. Without a word, Tucker curled his fingers around mine and started to pull me away from my parents and towards the exit of the gym.

  Evidently, he wanted to be alone. With me. Butterflies rose in my stomach at the thought.

  “Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do!” my dad called. Seconds later, his voice rang out. “Oh shit. Tucker, wait!”

  My mom’s laughter echoed in the gymnasium and I peered back in time to see her place a hand on his arm just as he’d taken a step toward us.

  “They’ll be fine, Jeremy. Leave them be.”

  Through it all, Tucker didn’t stop or say a word until we were at the back of his truck. With his large hands grasping my waist, he hoisted me up and set me on the edge of the open bed. He placed his palms on either side of me and leaned in close, his lips brushing against mine, giving me the softest whisper of a kiss. His eyes were closed when he pulled away. When they opened, I nearly gasped at the emotion that flashed in them.

  “I’ve wanted to do that for years,” he admitted.

  “You have?” I asked, taken aback. He’d never even hinted or come close to kissing me.

  “Yeah, Ava, I have. Why do you think I don’t date? Why do you think I’ve hated every single guy who ever looked in your direction?”

  “I always thought you were overprotective. Like a big brother.”

  He shook his head and rested his forehead against mine. “Trust me when I say this. I’ve never had brotherly feelings towards you.”

  “You haven’t?” I asked, both pleased I hadn’t hesitated to make a move and yet mentally kicking myself for having taken so long.

  Tucker’s gaze was magnetic, holding me in a force field, firmly in place, when all I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and kiss him again. His next words, however, took my breath away.

  “Ava, I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for forever.”

  My belly tightened while my heart soared. I hadn’t expected him to say it, but now that he had, it made all the sense in the world. What had taken us so long?

  “Wow,” I said. “You’re not holding back at
all, are you?”

  His grin transformed my insides to mush. Melted my panties. Made me quiver. “I’ve been holding back for too long. I can’t help myself. That kiss, Ava. What was that?” he asked, his voice softening almost as if he weren’t sure he should even ask the question for fear of not getting the proper answer. You know, the one that tells him I love him, too.

  “That was…umm…” I decided to take a page out of Tucker’s book and spilled the beans without second thought. “That was me kissing you because I’m in love with you, too. I’ve probably been in love with you for forever, but I’ve only actually been aware of it for about five minutes.”

  It had sounded so stupid to my ears, but Tucker’s lips crashed onto mine almost instantly, and I knew that it hadn’t been stupid. It had been so far from stupid that it wasn’t even funny.

  It killed me to pull away, but I had to tell him something. Something he needed to know.

  He groaned when I tore my lips from his. His eyes were stormy blue, the darkest I’d ever seen them, and the sight of his freshly kissed lips sent shivers down my spine, straight to the place between my legs. I’d never felt like this before, and all I wanted to do was throw my arms around his neck and ask him to take me to bed. Which, of course, I couldn’t do because, well, as much as I was in both love and lust with him, I wasn’t quite ready to go from zero to sex on prom night.

  “You are the most beautiful woman,” he murmured as his thumb caressed my cheek, which I was sure was pink from my heated flush. “I’ve dreamed of this moment for my entire life.”

  I blinked tears back. “You have?”

  A slow grin spread across his handsome face. “Of course I have. You may have been a little slow, but you’re here now. And it’s a dream come true.” He leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose before pulling back and staring into my eyes. “You, Ava. You’ve always been my dream.”

  My heart fluttered. How had I missed this? He’d been right in front of me the entire time, and I’d foolishly ignored the chemistry, the romance brewing between us. It didn’t matter though. Because we were there and together now. Hopefully, that’s how we’d always be.