Words I Couldn't Say (Promise in Prose #1) Read online

  “I think deep down I knew, even if I didn’t want to admit it. I was waiting for someone special to come along and sweep me off my feet. I had no idea you were there already, doing that little by little.” I paused then let it out. “That was my first kiss.”

  I didn’t know how it was possible, but Tucker’s smile widened. “I wasn’t sure…but I’d hoped. While it wouldn’t matter to me if you had been kissed before, I’m glad I was your first. Because my lips? Yours are the only ones who have ever kissed them, too.”

  Butterflies took flight in my belly. “I guess our hearts both knew the truth. It just took a while for our brains to catch up.”

  He cupped my face in both his hands. “I love you, Ava. I always will. I want to be your first and last everything.”

  “There’s nothing I want more,” I agreed.

  His lips descended and overtook mine in a passionate kiss that left me breathless but unwilling to come up for air until the dance was obviously over and my dad hopped onto the truck, unceremoniously dumping a water bottle over our heads. Mom shook her head while he innocently told us that he’d thought we needed some cooling off.

  He was probably right.

  And that was that. It wasn’t some crazy whirlwind. It was just the realization that our friendship had blossomed into something more, and we wanted to explore it. We’d spent eighteen years as best friends. Now, we were so much more.

  EVEN THOUGH TUCKER AND I had always spent most of our days together, I wasn’t sure how things would progress moving forward. We were in love, so naturally, we were together, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want the standard “are we exclusive?” conversation. It was silly and totally unnecessary—I knew that. Still, I wanted to be able to say Tucker Manning was my boyfriend. He was mine. Sorry, ladies. You had your chances. He was officially off the market.

  The next day, the doorbell rang and Mom teased me about the flower delivery. To say I was delighted would have been a massive understatement.

  “You two kissed for the first time less than twenty-four hours ago and you’re already getting flowers. Smart boy,” Mom commented.

  Smart indeed. Even smarter, I thought when I read the card attached to the flowers.

  Morning, beautiful. I’m taking my girl on our first date. Pick you up at 7. And Ava? I love you.

  I squealed.

  Literally squealed out loud and danced around in a circle before falling down on the couch, closing my eyes, and reliving our first kiss.

  I couldn’t wait for the next one. Before last night, I hadn’t thought twice about kissing. Now? It was all I could think about. Lips weren’t made for speaking. No, they were created for the sole purpose of kissing. It was as if Tucker’s were the key unlocking the dam and releasing all of my pent-up emotion and longing. All of my pent-up need.

  I released a dreamy sigh, sure I looked like the love-drunk fool I was. No one had ever told me how awesome being in love was. Sure, I’d heard my parents’ own love story countless times, but life was teaching me I had to experience it myself to truly get it.

  I was getting it now.

  “Funny how history repeats itself, isn’t it?”

  My eyes popped open to see my dad reading the card. I leaped up and snatched it out of his hand, glaring at him.

  “That’s private! I don’t go reading your love letters to Mom.”

  He raised an eyebrow then gave me a knowing smirk. “You learned that lesson the hard way.”

  I shivered at the memory. He was right. At twelve, I’d begged my parents to convert our attic into a bedroom for me. With two little baby brothers, I’d found it hard to study lines for whatever production I’d been a part of at the time. Knowing they probably weren’t done having babies (barf), they agreed. The only caveat was that I had to clear it out. Tucker, ever the sidekick, decided to help. One rainy weekend was all it took to have the place almost completely empty. Unfortunately, in the process, we’d uncovered a box of old letters my parents had written to each other. Considering the fact that they’d barely spent a day apart since they’d met, I was curious as to why.

  It only took about two paragraphs to understand.

  Apparently, to be romantic, my father had written my mother a sexy letter every week before Valentine’s Day. Yes, before. That was because each letter detailed—down and freaking dirty—what he had planned for her that night. I was scarred for life.

  Not to mention I never looked at a pastry wheel the same again. I still get the heebies everything Thanksgiving and stay far away from the pumpkin pie. Thanks for that, Dad.

  Tucker, a pubescent twelve-year-old boy, had fervently agreed with my dad’s assessment of Mom’s…assets, and I might not have spoken to him for a week.

  “Honey, we need to talk.”

  I shivered as I was torn from my memories and froze when I glanced up. Oh, good lord. My mother was now standing next to my dad. Nothing good ever came from one of my parents saying that. The two of them together? This could only mean terrible things.

  “I’m too young to be a grandpa. Pacey is far too young to be an uncle,” Dad stated matter-of-factly.

  My two-year-old baby brother was currently sitting in the middle of the living room floor, bashing two Hot Wheels trucks together over and over again, laughing manically at the wreckage he caused.

  “See? He’s so not uncle material.”

  “What the heck are you talking about?” I asked.

  My dad pinched the bridge of his nose.

  “Wait. Do I even want to know what this is about?”

  Mom stepped in and placed a hand on my dad’s arm. “What your father is trying to say…” She paused, seemingly contemplating how exactly to explain herself. “We trust you, sweetheart. You know you can come to us with anything, right?”

  My parents always had an open-door policy. I liked to think they were lucky with me, because I’d unknowingly been wanting Tucker this entire time, so they’d never had to worry about me going to parties, breaking curfew, or sneaking out to meet up with boys.

  “Without a doubt,” I said.

  Mom smiled hesitantly. “This thing with you and Tucker is fresh, very new, and while we’re thrilled you two have finally realized how you feel about each other, we also know how intense first love can be.”

  My parents exchanged a look that told me they both reminiscing on their own romantic history. Those letters came back to mind. Ew. That was it. The conversation, which hadn’t quite even started, was over. I tried to make my escape, but Mom called out to me.

  “Ava, wait.”

  I stopped midstride and swung around to face them. I sighed when I saw that Dad had tucked Mom close and had his arm wrapped firmly around her waist. As embarrassing as my parents could be, and as much as I wished they’d keep their hands to themselves in common living quarters, I couldn’t deny the fact that I was silently proud to have parents who were still so in love after so many years together. It gave me hope that, one day—far off in the future—that would be Tucker and me. Crazy for each other a way that would only strengthen, never fade. To be the couple that, after twenty years and four children, had an attraction that sizzled.

  For years, I’d been rolling my eyes at their story, but now that my own was starting, I realized I’d only been fooling myself. What my parents had? I wanted it. I wanted it badly.

  Not that I was going to admit it.

  “Yes, Mother?” I asked. I was anxious to prepare for my date. And eager to get this weird grandpa-slash-uncle conversation out of the way.

  “We’re both proud of the woman you’ve become. All we ask is that you’re safe. Like your father said, we’re far too young to become grandparents. If things with Tucker progress, it’s okay. It’s natural and we both understand. We have no problem getting you on birth control.”

  All the blood drained from my face. They’d walked in on one make-out session—our first—and, now I was getting offered contraceptives. Jesus.

  “Oh my god, you guys! I
’m not getting pregnant! I’m not even having sex!”

  “Good. Sex is good, great, phenomenal when it’s with the right person—as long as you’re safe and take the proper precautions to prevent pregnancy,” Dad chimed in.

  Mom was nodding in agreement. I couldn’t believe these two.

  I pointed at my dad. “Shouldn’t you be growling and warning Tucker not to defile your little girl?” I asked, completely dumbfounded that my dad was so…not angry over this.

  To my shock, a smile crossed his lips. “There’s no one else I’d trust with my baby girl than that boy next door. Plus, we’ve already had our talk. He knows the deal,” he cryptically informed me.

  My resulting facepalm was the thing Captain Picard memes had been made for. “We just started this…this whatever last night. When the heck did you have time to talk to him?”

  Mom’s face softened. “Honey, you may have been late to the party, but when Tucker was eight years old, he told your father he was going to grow up and marry you. They’ve had years to talk.”

  “He did?” I asked, my heart melting.

  Mom laughed and rested her head on my dad’s shoulder. “This one said he was going to lock you up until you’re thirty.”

  “I still might,” Dad interjected.

  That was enough for me. I casually backed out of the room, making my escape. “Thanks, guys. Love you! If anything changes, you’ll be the first to know!”

  It was a total lie—I could get birth control on my own. And, as much as I loved my parents and was well aware of their healthy sex life (ew), again, they did not need to know about mine—as nonexistent as it currently was.

  “Make good choices!” Dad called after me.

  I giggled, but once I was in my room, I thought about what they’d said. Tucker and I were so far from sex that it wasn’t funny.

  But, for the first time in my life, I wondered what it’d be like to be that close with someone. To give myself to him completely. It should’ve been daunting. Terrifying. But instead, my body warmed in places it never had before at the thought of being intimate with him, and for the first time in my life, I imagined sex with my best friend. And those images? They were beautiful.

  Maybe we weren’t so far off after all.

  Hours later, I was pacing my living room, waiting for Tucker to arrive. It was ridiculous how rattled my nerves were, especially since I used to take baths with my date, but I couldn’t help it. Things with Tucker had changed overnight, and part of me was terrified he’d somehow decide I wasn’t truly what he’d wanted all this time.

  When the doorbell rang, however, my heart leaped with joy. All of my fears and doubts melted away the second I opened the door and caught sight of him. Tucker was standing on my front porch, handsome as ever. His dark hair was mussed up—from having raked his hands through it, I was sure. His light-blue button-down shirt brought out the color of his eyes and his half-smile showcased one gorgeous dimple that I wanted to lick. He held a bouquet of red roses at his chest. I melted. I didn’t care what anyone said. If red roses are a cliché, then I’d be the biggest cliché on the block.

  “Wow. You’re pulling out all the stops tonight, aren’t you?” I teased, stepping forward. Then I lifted up on my tiptoes to kiss him.

  “No kissing in my house.”

  I jumped back when I heard my father’s voice behind me. His carefree demeanor from earlier was gone, and he was eyeing us warily.

  “Technically, sir,” Tucker responded, “I’m not in your house.”

  Dad’s eyes narrowed when he realized Tucker was right. I had been too busy checking him out that I hadn’t invited him in from the porch.

  “Just remember what I’ve always told you,” he warned.

  Tucker chuckled and waited patiently while I placed the roses in water. Dad followed closely behind, watching our every move.

  I put my hand on Tucker’s arm and smiled up at him. “Let’s get out of here before he invites himself on our date.”

  “That’s a great idea!” Dad said.

  So I steered Tucker outside and to his truck. I didn’t waste any time getting in, knowing we needed to get far away from this place and my crazy parents.

  When Tucker got into his truck, he took my hand and intertwined our fingers, placing them on his leg. “I’ve always known this day would come, and I’d planned on having some crazy, epic plan to woo you.”

  “You don’t need to woo me, Tucker. You’ve been doing that all along.”

  “I know. That’s why I scored tickets to tonight’s game.”

  Just as he informed me of his plan, Great American Ball Park came into view. It was one of my favorite places in the world. Baseball was my second love. If I hadn’t been so dead-set on becoming an actress, I’d probably have gone to broadcasting school in hopes of becoming my generation’s Lindsay Czarniak. I grew up watching her on SportsCenter and marveled at how awesome she was as an anchor in a seemingly man’s world.

  “Tucker, I couldn’t think of a better place for us to have our first date. This is perfect.”

  And it was. I’d experienced baseball games before. With my Dad. With my aunt Lexi, who was the one who’d helped shape my die-hard Reds fandom. Heck, I’d even gone to games with Tucker before. That night, however, was different. I wasn’t just with my best friend. I was also with my boyfriend, even if we hadn’t exactly established that.

  Sometime during the seventh inning, I decided I needed to know. I needed that label. Tucker had his arm around the back of my chair and I’d been cuddled up to him. So I tilted my head and gazed up at him.

  “Tucker?” I asked.

  His eyes were beautiful when he looked down at me. He squeezed my shoulder. “Yeah, baby?”

  Butterflies in my belly took flight, but I soldiered on, mustering up the courage to settle this once and for all. “So, what are we now?

  A slow smile spread across his face. “Ava, are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

  “I guess so. I mean, I love you, you love me… It only makes sense.”

  He chuckled and bowed his head to place a kiss on the tip of my nose. His eyes met mine and held my gaze. “I’ve been waiting years to be your boyfriend. So, yes, that’s exactly what this means. But the truth is, Ava, it’s so much more than that. I’m yours. For always.”

  “I’m yours, too,” I admitted.

  “For always?” he asked.

  “For always.”

  We passed the rest of the game in comfortable silence. Tucker was mine and I was his. I didn’t need to know anything else. At least, that’s what I thought when he asked if I wanted to take a stroll along the riverbank. With Tucker, I was finding I wanted to do everything and anything.

  At one point, we stopped walking and I stared out into the dark water while he was directly behind me, his hands on my waist. I shivered with delight as Tucker’s lips hovered just above my ear, his hot breath tickling my skin.

  “I was terrified I’d wake this morning and it all would have been a dream,” he said. “Not a bad dream to have, but the reality is so much better.”

  I shifted in his arms and gazed up into eyes that were dancing with heated delight. “I definitely agree. I’m so glad I kissed you last night.”

  “Not as much as me.”

  “I found out something interesting this morning,” I told him when we started walking again.

  He studied me curiously. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah.” I bumped his shoulder with mine. “You told my dad you were going to marry me when we were eight?” I asked, still in awe that Tucker had known we were meant to be together from such a young age.

  The knowing grin that spread across his face told me everything I needed to know. “Sure did. I told you, Ava. I’ve always known you were it for me. You are it for me.”

  “I’m sorry I took so long to catch up.”

  He stopped walking and drew me in close. His sweet kiss was all the forgiveness I needed. “Don’t be. We have all the time in the
world.”

  “Why do you love me?” The question had come out before I could stop it. I immediately wanted to take it back. “I’m sorry. That’s a stupid question. We’ve been dating for all of five seconds and I’m already making it weird.”

  “It’s not stupid, and you’re not being weird. The truth is…I just do. I could stand here and list the reasons. For example, you make my heart jump every time you step into a room—like it knows you hold it and it wants to be close to you. I’m man enough to admit that your smile gives me butterflies—always has. You’ve probably smiled at me ten thousand times, and each one caused my stomach to flutter. And my guy parts? Well, let’s just say those are quite fond of you, too.”

  My shoulders shook as I laughed, but it didn’t faze Tucker.

  “You’re kind. You make me laugh. You’re strong, and you always stand up for yourself and others when necessary. Your beauty defies logic. Whether you’re all dolled up like you were for prom or you just rolled out of bed, you’re beautiful. You’re the whole package. That’s why I’ve never even so much as considered anyone else for me. No one would ever be able to compare.”

  “I thought you said you weren’t going to list off reasons,” I teased, not admitting that every bit of what he was saying were reasons I loved him back.

  His lips curved up into a half smile. “I kinda got on a roll there. It’s just… Ava, there’s this gut feeling I have, a truth I know deep down in my soul. At the risk of sounding like Jewel here, you were meant for me. I was meant for you. I firmly believe the universe placed us together eighteen years ago because we were meant to be together. Our love started as a tiny spark all those years ago. Over the years, we’ve let it sit on the back burner, simmering until ready. That kiss last night? That heat is what caused our feelings to boil, bubble up, and finally spill over. That was the gasoline that fueled the fire. The gasses in the volcano that led to an epic eruption. You’ve always been a part of me. Now? I know you always will be. You’re in my heart. You are my heart.”